Good friends

[Lisal]

This spins out of the watersports thread which made me think after I replied.

Me and her are really close friends. As are others here with their dommes. In some ways, because I know and trust her, I'll do things I wouldn't do with anyone else. Conversely, more personal play (like watersports) is off limits because of our friendship. That's on me - not her.

Any thoughts as to how you see it?

[Rehrednu]

I’ve become good friends with two Mistresses, but with different effects on the D/s. Looking back, I think this depended in part on how the friendship evolved.

With one of the Mistresses, the friendship ran alongside the development of our D/s. I was seeing her outside sessions on a regular basis really from the start, for coffees, meals etc. Purely platonic other than for our D/s I would stress. But with her, I would maintain personal boundaries - I was more reluctant to blur further a potentially blurred line. Plus I would have been more worried what she thought. I was certainly more worried about how she saw me.

The other friendship emerged more slowly after many years of sessioning, moving from good client to favoured client to friend. With this Mistress I would have far fewer boundaries, including more intimate activities, perhaps because I’d always been her sub throughout our time of knowing each other. Ultimately she stretched my physical and psychological limits far more than any other Mistress, although the personal relationship was less intense. Just good, relaxed mates outside session.

[jon123]

Originally Posted by Lisal

This spins out of the watersports thread which made me think after I replied.

Me and her are really close friends. As are others here with their dommes. In some ways, because I know and trust her, I'll do things I wouldn't do with anyone else. Conversely, more personal play (like watersports) is off limits because of our friendship. That's on me - not her.

Any thoughts as to how you see it?

Of course I've responded to this kind of thread many times, but just to focus on the immediate example.

I've only drunk with two dommes, both in long-term professional relationships. It's exactly because it's personal that I've only crossed this particular line with the two I've trusted the most. The first time was built up over a number of sessions. The second time I made it clear that I considered it an act to which I would only submit to someone very special.

[Lisal]

Originally Posted by Rehrednu

I’ve become good friends with two Mistresses, but with different effects on the D/s. Looking back, I think this depended in part on how the friendship evolved.



The other friendship emerged more slowly after many years of sessioning, moving from good client to favoured client to friend. With this Mistress I would have far fewer boundaries, including more intimate activities, perhaps because I’d always been her sub throughout our time of knowing each other. Ultimately she stretched my physical and psychological limits far more than any other Mistress, although the personal relationship was less intense. Just good, relaxed mates outside session.

Which is what we did.

I wonder if it's about what comes first - friend or domme. I think we are at the stage where it's friend first, domme (although still hugely important) second. And that inhibits some of the more personal sessioning actvities.

[Rehrednu]

Originally Posted by Lisal

Which is what we did.

I wonder if it's about what comes first - friend or domme. I think we are at the stage where it's friend first, domme (although still hugely important) second. And that inhibits some of the more personal sessioning actvities.

Perhaps. In one case she was always Mistress AND friend, because in my case I spent a long time when she was primarily Mistress. And there was always an undercurrent of this dynamic even outside session. With her, I had few boundaries (really her limits rather than mine).

In the other case, she felt more like a friend who I also (wonderfully) sessioned with. But the friendship was more important to me.