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Old 14-11-2018, 07:16   #61
Ogden McNit
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Originally Posted by Lisal View Post
That's a valid point of view.
I got married very young (many years ago) and, honestly, I really, really didn't understand my sexuality at the time. I had some confusing "odd" sexual thoughts but was happy with vanilla sex. It was only a few years in that my D/s feelings began to develop. I am not going into the details but, by then, there were issues that meant that my wife was unwell and discussing it was not the best way forward.

Whether or not you agree with that Ogden I was there and I know the situation.
It's not a point of view, just a question. I have entered into vanilla relationships myself without full transparency. As you said earlier in the thread, when and how is the right time to announce yourself? As soon as possible in my view, if you think it's going to become an issue at some point along the line.

Let's flip this round a bit. Question for those who can justify seeing a Mistress whilst in a vanilla relationship;

How would you feel if you suddenly found out your partner had been out to, say, swinging parties, and when questioned said it didn't affect her love for you, was just sex, and just an urge she sometimes gets that has always been with her?

Would the fact that actual penetrative sex was involved make it worse than you seeing a Mistress? Does the fact that there are no emotions involved make it easier to deal with or harder? What if, like Lisal and his Mistress, she had also built up a strong friendship with one of more of the men as well?

Last edited by Ogden McNit; 14-11-2018 at 07:19.
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Old 14-11-2018, 08:53   #62
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Originally Posted by Ogden McNit View Post
It's not a point of view, just a question. I have entered into vanilla relationships myself without full transparency. As you said earlier in the thread, when and how is the right time to announce yourself? As soon as possible in my view, if you think it's going to become an issue at some point along the line.

Let's flip this round a bit. Question for those who can justify seeing a Mistress whilst in a vanilla relationship;

How would you feel if you suddenly found out your partner had been out to, say, swinging parties, and when questioned said it didn't affect her love for you, was just sex, and just an urge she sometimes gets that has always been with her?

Would the fact that actual penetrative sex was involved make it worse than you seeing a Mistress? Does the fact that there are no emotions involved make it easier to deal with or harder? What if, like Lisal and his Mistress, she had also built up a strong friendship with one of more of the men as well?
I can remember talking to herself about this - well, faithfulness, anyway. She said that she could manage if her partner had a one night stand but it would be different if it was sex plus a strong emotional attachment. Her view was that their relationship was strong enough in all other aspects.

I think that is fair enough. It does depend on the overall relationship - and if you have children etc.

The issue for many is going to be more about the deceit than "unusual sex". Having said that a number of my female friends were very supportive of Mosley at the time of the scandal. They said they could understand the need to do something that could not be provided at home. They would prefer not to know, though!

Last edited by Lisal; 14-11-2018 at 09:49.
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Old 14-11-2018, 21:38   #63
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I know this conversation isn't about race but why would you even feel the need to say this? You could have said you take issue with whatever it is he supposedly posted on Twitter. However, you felt the need to throw in black women then in a later post the N word masked as Niger (sure you meant the country). Now what I want to know is why black women? Is the person you're taking umbrage with a black woman? Last time I checked he isn't. So while I don't appreciate this thread going away from the OP I must ask why. Do black women come to the forefront of your mind due to a past experience? Otherwise, I see no reason why you even had to bring us into the conversation. You could have made your point without making yourself look like you have deep seeded issues with black women.

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Originally Posted by Slutty Rimmer View Post
That is a lot called for, as evidenced by your random spurious opening salvo on the ‘Any Questions’ thread.

I still can’t get my head around it.

At some point in the future you must remind me to post a montage of nine young black women and then mock their ‘right on’ opinions by calling them black names. Just to redress the balance you understand, even though I always try to avoid ignorant sweeping generalisations.

Is it possible to separate out message from transmitter ? Is the hardware an integral part of the code ? If so then racial and sexual harmony may be a pipe dream.

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Old 14-11-2018, 21:44   #64
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Mmmmmmm. The urge to session is symptomatic of a wider problem in a persons life.
Or words to that affect.


The urge to kill someone outside of a marital relationship maybe suggests a problem too.

Or perhaps just wanting to go to the pub every day.
Crikey the list is endless.

Easy for me to say.
I shot the wife, blamed the kids and then went for a session.
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Old 14-11-2018, 21:57   #65
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I have met married men who are in very honest and open relationships. Their partner is aware of what they are doing and is ok with it. Kink isn't for them. I have actually met some of their wives and it's rather refreshing. Then you have those who do it in secret for various reasons. I won't go into the various reasons. I am sure some of you have your own. I found that some are more comfortable (compartmentalising) than others but ultimately deep down(in my opinion) they know their significant other wouldn't be happy about it or they themselves aren't comfortable with their own kinks.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Ogden McNit View Post
Nothing, as long as the same person would be comfortable with their partner looking elsewhere if their needs weren't being met.

And do they seek permission and risk ending the relationship just by asking, or do it secretly and then carry a new stress point of guilt indefinitely? Add the the financial cost if it's regular visits as well. It would certainly weigh on my mind.

At this point you'd have to ask questions about the relationship itself. I think the driving force behind why a lot of men visit Mistresses is often not 'peversion' as such, just a need for excitement and sexual intensity that isn't being fulfilled elsewhere.

So an urge to session is likely a symptom of a wider problem in the relationship.

Or maybe the relationship is perfectly happy and some men are just kinky and need to scratch an itch every now and again. In which case is it fair to enter into a vanilla relationship with someone in the first place knowing this?
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Old 14-11-2018, 21:58   #66
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Originally Posted by geordiesouth View Post
Mmmmmmm. The urge to session is symptomatic of a wider problem in a persons life.
Or words to that affect.


The urge to kill someone outside of a marital relationship maybe suggests a problem too.

Or perhaps just wanting to go to the pub every day.
Crikey the list is endless.

Easy for me to say.
I shot the wife, blamed the kids and then went for a session.
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Old 14-11-2018, 22:21   #67
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I have met married men who are in very honest and open relationships. Their partner is aware of what they are doing and is ok with it. Kink isn't for them. I have actually met some of their wives and it's rather refreshing. Then you have those who do it in secret for various reasons. I won't go into the various reasons. I am sure some of you have your own. I found that some are more comfortable (compartmentalising) than others but ultimately deep down(in my opinion) they know their significant other wouldn't be happy about it or they themselves aren't comfortable with their own kinks.
Very interesting comments, Mistress Esme.

Years ago the number of men whose wives were aware of their Mistress visits would have been few and far between. I think it's great that there are happily married couples who can be open about this, it's such a healthy thing if both partners can just accept it and not analyse it too much. Lucky men.

The 'compartmentalising' approach may work in the short term, but it's just asking for trouble long term IMO.

Last edited by Ogden McNit; 14-11-2018 at 22:27.
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Old 14-11-2018, 22:46   #68
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I know this conversation isn't about race but why would you even feel the need to say this? You could have said you take issue with whatever it is he supposedly posted on Twitter. However, you felt the need to throw in black women then in a later post the N word masked as Niger (sure you meant the country). Now what I want to know is why black women? Is the person you're taking umbrage with a black woman? Last time I checked he isn't. So while I don't appreciate this thread going away from the OP I must ask why. Do black women come to the forefront of your mind due to a past experience? Otherwise, I see no reason why you even had to bring us into the conversation. You could have made your point without making yourself look like you have deep seeded issues with black women.

Well said Mistress. Very odd comments, and nothing whatsoever to do with the OP.
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Old 15-11-2018, 07:43   #69
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Esme View Post
I know this conversation isn't about race but why would you even feel the need to say this? You could have said you take issue with whatever it is he supposedly posted on Twitter. However, you felt the need to throw in black women then in a later post the N word masked as Niger (sure you meant the country). Now what I want to know is why black women? Is the person you're taking umbrage with a black woman? Last time I checked he isn't. So while I don't appreciate this thread going away from the OP I must ask why. Do black women come to the forefront of your mind due to a past experience? Otherwise, I see no reason why you even had to bring us into the conversation. You could have made your point without making yourself look like you have deep seeded issues with black women.
Thank you Mistress Esme for picking up on this point, because Ogden has repeatedly refused the opportunity to do so. To read my quoted post in isolation probably does seem a little odd, but it is an intervention to an ongoing condition which Ogden suffers from and which seems to flare up now and again (on this forum at least, I don’t snort the tw*tter so have no knowledge of how he behaves on there).

Ogden has problems with the opinions of what he perceives belong to those of old white men, which he then happily ridicules by collectively calling such people ‘Gammons’ due to the fact they (to him) look like pieces of pink boiled pig meat i.e. the name is a piss take of their skin colour. This is racist and I was demonstrating it by holding up a word mirror and pointing out that hypothetically were I, for instance, to reflect the situation and instead of taking the piss out of old white men and calling them a skin colour related insult chose to make a post which took the piss out of young black women (i.e. the opposites of ‘old’, ‘white’ and ‘men’) and ignorantly called them a name which insulted their niger* skin colour then it would very rightly be considered as racist.

You are a young black woman and I am presuming you would consider it a racial slur to have your opinions thusly denigrated as collectively belonging to those of a ‘Chocolate Brownie’.

By rightly taking issue with such a potential insult, as you and I probably do, it serves to prove by symmetry the racist equivalence of:-

Old + White + Man = ‘G word’ => RACIAL BIGOTRY <= ‘N word’ = Woman + Black + Young.

Please be assured I have no such issues and absolutely no desires to make the reflected racist ‘Brownie’ post, I was merely using the idea to highlight the inherent and logically equivalent racism in Ogden’s persistent obsession.

This thread is at least the third recent thread in which he has spuriously thrown in his insults. I can’t imagine what horrors were visited upon the McNit household when he was growing up, but I can only guess he suffered terribly as a child when forced to eat platefuls of boiled ham whilst made to watch Question Time on a high contrast Black and White telly. He seems to have been traumatised ever since and is now blind to the resulting porcine psychosis. This presents in the form of a sort of meat based Tourette’s Syndrome with random outbursts of the ‘G word’ and the related ‘B word’ that need checking lest we become passively accepting of all similar and symmetrically equivalent ‘N word’ world insults.

The observed symmetry is difficult to break and so long as Ogden (and others) choose to think it acceptable and funny to collectively call old white men ‘Gammons’ then it leaves the door open for an ugly P to N conversion, and so onto ‘Piggers’ and ‘Pig-Pogs’, and then the reintroduction of their equivalents.

As I said, thank you for picking up on the point. Although now it is no doubt going to again derail this thread (and other future threads) until it is tackled.

Tackle it we must, because accepting it is not acceptable unless we accept both image and reflection.

Kind Regards,
The Fireman.

* Niger - Latin adjective for Black, and origin of the ‘N-word’ pejorative.
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Old 15-11-2018, 09:38   #70
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Esme View Post
I have met married men who are in very honest and open relationships. Their partner is aware of what they are doing and is ok with it. Kink isn't for them. I have actually met some of their wives and it's rather refreshing. Then you have those who do it in secret for various reasons. I won't go into the various reasons. I am sure some of you have your own. I found that some are more comfortable (compartmentalising) than others but ultimately deep down(in my opinion) they know their significant other wouldn't be happy about it or they themselves aren't comfortable with their own kinks.
Perhaps that last bit is another argument altogether.
Perhaps we could lead on to other parts of the debate and suggest if there were no pro doms to visit. Then people would be happier in their relationships.
No enticement, no urge.

Load of rubbish of course.
I meant what I said not what our Mistress Esme said.

I get the idea that what Oggy suggests is partnerships or marital relationships viewed through rose tinted glasses.
Ok to play away if your single but not when your supposed to be monogamous.

Or have I got that wrong again.
I do sometimes.

I recall it was four years ago this week I got something wrong.
Hard to believe I know. But hey. I’m not perfect.
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