UKM - Personal Growth - UK

folly · 07-04-2011, 17:06

Some people I respect a lot talk about SM in very simple terms: it's about personal growth and erotic pleasure. Their context is lifestyle, but I don't think it's necessarily any different within the professional scene.

I'm sure most, if not all of us, understand the erotic dimension, even if our preferences are not primarily for overtly sexual BDSM. But what has SM, or BDSM, contributed to your personal growth, if anything? (N.B. penis size and bank balance are not valid answers!)

I should perhaps add that SM is used as an over-arching term which incorporates D/s and B here (the original context was SM vs Abuse).

For Dommes and subs.

07-04-2011, 17:56

To be honest very little

What has contributed is those people (both BDSM and (ugh) vanilla) who have helped me realise that what I do is not evil, nasty or anything else. It's part of me and doesn't change who I am to them

folly · 07-04-2011, 19:19

To answer my own question (for once): BDSM started off for me in a brief lifestyle relationship. From there and within the following year or so (through community workshops, clubs and then to a professional Domme), my core confidence really improved, and by core, I mean the ability to deal with sh*t (through dealing with quite the opposite!). I recall being transformed at work. It made a huge difference.

Those kinds of changes don't happen every day, of course, but I still find that play offers a 'corrective' on a number of levels... none of them role-plays. There's definitely a continuity between sessioning and a mental re-adjustment to whatever work - always mostly work - has in store.

07-04-2011, 19:52

This is a good topic, and has got me thinking

I'll come back and answer this latter ..............

subtle · 08-04-2011, 05:21

Imagine a world that had no reflections - not in lakes, glass windows, puddles, mirrors, the backs of spoons, other people's eyes. Life without SM would be a bit like that to me.

And just as I might catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window looking a bit scruffy and decide I need to smarten myself up, so SM (amongst many other things) almost obliges me to see myself more clearly, and (hopefully but I'm not sure with what success) try and feed the good wolf.

numquata · 08-04-2011, 09:01

I’m with the ancient one on this.

I don’t think SM per se has done anything much for me. However, the fact that, in relatively recent times, I have been able to meet other people with similar interests, through going to munches, clubs and so on, has been helpful in that I realise I am not the only one with these proclivities. Of course, intellectually, I’ve always known that to be the case but it’s still good to realise that emotionally as well. This has probably resulted in my being far more at ease with myself than I was when I first started out.

ex nihilo · 08-04-2011, 10:32

I am what I am and very happy with the Skin I’m in.

If I want to indulge in BDSM from time to time because I enjoy it, well that’s fine and that’s about it. No guilt and no moral support necessary, although it is always nice to meet people as would be the case for any like minded activity.

The magical, mystical and similar sentiments sometimes expressed, especially in the PD context, I find slightly exasperating

celine62 · 08-04-2011, 11:38

I have learnt some practical skills, dressing, make-up, application of nail varnish from mistresses which as someone who cross dresses both in and out of session I have found msot helpful. But generally I get a profound emotional release in session. I need to submit, and I crave for humiliation and punishment. Sessioning helps me to focus on these aspects of my being, contextualise them and through understanding them, has helped me to be more assertive in contexts (like the workplace) where submissiveness is a handicap. I might also add that I find the mistresses I see to be genuinely caring people who put a lot of thought into helping me (and others I presume) on my journey.

posh-sub · 08-04-2011, 15:30

" .... to personal growth ...."

Difficult to answer because I have no idea what I would have been like in the absence of BDSM.

I suspect I would have been a bit more nervous / wired / generally fidgety and unsettled. But who knows? It is conceivable that I would have been a better person without it.

I do find that I have a sense of stillness, emotional settlement, a peace with the world, which I suspect would not have been the case otherwise.

It doesn't stop being a GOM and getting hot under the collar about "the world / young people / bureucrats / jobsworths today" but I put that down to my age.

Peace & Love
poshie

subtle · 09-04-2011, 10:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by ex nihilo

The magical, mystical and similar sentiments sometimes expressed, especially in the PD context, I find slightly exasperating

Exasperating like someone you're subconsciously very attracted to, or just plain exasperating?

07-04-2011, 17:06	#1
folly Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 967 Reputation: 32	Personal Growth Some people I respect a lot talk about SM in very simple terms: it's about personal growth and erotic pleasure. Their context is lifestyle, but I don't think it's necessarily any different within the professional scene. I'm sure most, if not all of us, understand the erotic dimension, even if our preferences are not primarily for overtly sexual BDSM. But what has SM, or BDSM, contributed to your personal growth, if anything? (N.B. penis size and bank balance are not valid answers!) I should perhaps add that SM is used as an over-arching term which incorporates D/s and B here (the original context was SM vs Abuse). For Dommes and subs. __________________ For I am, as you see, that true and only giver of wealth whom the Greeks call moria, the Latins stultitia, and our plain English folly.

07-04-2011, 19:19	#3
folly Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 967 Reputation: 32	To answer my own question (for once): BDSM started off for me in a brief lifestyle relationship. From there and within the following year or so (through community workshops, clubs and then to a professional Domme), my core confidence really improved, and by core, I mean the ability to deal with sh*t (through dealing with quite the opposite!). I recall being transformed at work. It made a huge difference. Those kinds of changes don't happen every day, of course, but I still find that play offers a 'corrective' on a number of levels... none of them role-plays. There's definitely a continuity between sessioning and a mental re-adjustment to whatever work - always mostly work - has in store. __________________ For I am, as you see, that true and only giver of wealth whom the Greeks call moria, the Latins stultitia, and our plain English folly.

08-04-2011, 05:21	#5
subtle Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,037 Reputation: 190	Imagine a world that had no reflections - not in lakes, glass windows, puddles, mirrors, the backs of spoons, other people's eyes. Life without SM would be a bit like that to me. And just as I might catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window looking a bit scruffy and decide I need to smarten myself up, so SM (amongst many other things) almost obliges me to see myself more clearly, and (hopefully but I'm not sure with what success) try and feed the good wolf. __________________ careless of where the next bright bolt may fall

08-04-2011, 10:32	#7
ex nihilo Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 6,520 Reputation: 31	I am what I am and very happy with the Skin I’m in. If I want to indulge in BDSM from time to time because I enjoy it, well that’s fine and that’s about it. No guilt and no moral support necessary, although it is always nice to meet people as would be the case for any like minded activity. The magical, mystical and similar sentiments sometimes expressed, especially in the PD context, I find slightly exasperating __________________ “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.”

07-04-2011, 17:56	#2
Lisal Guest Posts: n/a	To be honest very little What has contributed is those people (both BDSM and (ugh) vanilla) who have helped me realise that what I do is not evil, nasty or anything else. It's part of me and doesn't change who I am to them

07-04-2011, 19:52	#4
reefknot Guest Posts: n/a	This is a good topic, and has got me thinking I'll come back and answer this latter ..............

08-04-2011, 09:01	#6
numquata Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: London Posts: 576 Reputation: 22	I’m with the ancient one on this. I don’t think SM per se has done anything much for me. However, the fact that, in relatively recent times, I have been able to meet other people with similar interests, through going to munches, clubs and so on, has been helpful in that I realise I am not the only one with these proclivities. Of course, intellectually, I’ve always known that to be the case but it’s still good to realise that emotionally as well. This has probably resulted in my being far more at ease with myself than I was when I first started out.

08-04-2011, 11:38	#8
celine62 Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 55 Reputation: 10	I have learnt some practical skills, dressing, make-up, application of nail varnish from mistresses which as someone who cross dresses both in and out of session I have found msot helpful. But generally I get a profound emotional release in session. I need to submit, and I crave for humiliation and punishment. Sessioning helps me to focus on these aspects of my being, contextualise them and through understanding them, has helped me to be more assertive in contexts (like the workplace) where submissiveness is a handicap. I might also add that I find the mistresses I see to be genuinely caring people who put a lot of thought into helping me (and others I presume) on my journey.

08-04-2011, 15:30	#9
posh-sub Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Brighton Posts: 979 Reputation: 108	" .... to personal growth ...." Difficult to answer because I have no idea what I would have been like in the absence of BDSM. I suspect I would have been a bit more nervous / wired / generally fidgety and unsettled. But who knows? It is conceivable that I would have been a better person without it. I do find that I have a sense of stillness, emotional settlement, a peace with the world, which I suspect would not have been the case otherwise. It doesn't stop being a GOM and getting hot under the collar about "the world / young people / bureucrats / jobsworths today" but I put that down to my age. Peace & Love poshie