Control freak subs

Originally Posted by rubberbondagenut

No one has fessed up to being a controlling sub...don't domaneering subs reach these parts????


Cheers


Rbn

Maybe because they are worried about being hung drawn and quartered and then burnt at the stake as herertics



I think many subs control what happens in a session to some extent. Even if it's about overall session content or maybe just how they feel on the day. Quite a few of us agree at least some level of limts and then leave the session to her (certainly how I work) - and just how many of us would really like a session without some of our favourite activties and with things substituted that aren't our bag

Fwiw I don't think there is that much difference to many a "lifestyle" relationship here

Originally Posted by Lady Anna

From what I can make out, Professional Domination in London is completely different to the rest of the country.

I wonder if subs are less likely to be overbearing outside of the capital because they can't afford to annoy the local PDs, whereas within the capital there are plenty of PDs to choose from so it's easier to try and get your own way?

Tis an interesting one this. Having only sessioned in London and the surrounding areas it's impossible to give a balanced response although the numbers issue could well have a bearing. I wonder how it works in other big cities with a reasonable number of PDs (Manchester springs to mind)

But, not very recently I accept, I have sessioned with many London PDs and have the privilege of knowing a few current ones. None of them would take on a controlling sub at all - nor would The Boss who is 90 miles from London

It could well be there are deep down unsatisfied subs out of London who would like to be more controlling but can't because they have no choice ( as you allude to)

[numquata]

Originally Posted by Lisal

Do you know I am not sure that there is a real big problem here

Client a) wants to session a certain way; s/he looks for a PD who has similar tastes and interests. The client finds that person and they have a good one. On the way the client has contacted a few PDs who won't go down that road

Client a) could want anything on the session gamut from totally controlling the whole thing to leaving it completely to the lady. As long as it works for both of them that's all good. In the same vein I find the whole anti topping from the bottom stuff a bit ott.

I do get the irritation that a domme must feel when what is clearly stated on her website is ignored/not read and there is no excuse for a prospective client to be rude/grumpy/whatever when a domme declines to see them

Beyond that - well what?

Exactly. Well put as ever. End of.

Whilst I find the internet message board pretensions of some providers in the commercial BDSM business extremely amusing, that's for me to laugh at in the privacy of my own home. If it works for them then that's fine by me. If they can enjoy themselves and make a living to whatever extent they need to out of their client base then I’m very happy for them. I hope they’ll allow me the same latitude. I like to think I’m capable of reading a website so I wouldn’t contact anybody with whom I felt at all incompatible and if I did make that mistake and was so advised then I certainly wouldn’t get rude/grumpy/whatever about it; I’d just forget it and move on. A little (reciprocal) courtesy goes a long way after all.

[posh-sub]

What THEY said ....

Peace & Love
poshie

[scapey]

Originally Posted by posh-sub

What THEY said ....

Peace & Love
poshie

...............and

[jon123]

Originally Posted by Lady Anna

From what I can make out, Professional Domination in London is completely different to the rest of the country.

I wonder if subs are less likely to be overbearing outside of the capital because they can't afford to annoy the local PDs, whereas within the capital there are plenty of PDs to choose from so it's easier to try and get your own way?

In passing, and not entirely on-topic, there may well be a division between Central London within the Circle Line and the rest of London outside it (I don't know where Docklands fits in). This may seem exoteric to many outside London, but it applies to lots of other cultural activities.

I guess, but I don't know, that Central London has more tourist traffic. I assume that outer-London rates are more like those in the rest of the UK.

I've never sessioned in the UK outside London so I can't tell if it's different.

I have sessioned in New York and several European cities, and I can't say I noticed a great deal of a difference in the style of the sessions. I negotiated the session, and no one told me I was topping from the bottom. Of course there were other differences.

But all these cities had many dommes in a small area (in the same building in many cases) so there was as much competition as in London.

So maybe there's a difference between major cities, especially capital cities with an extensive business trade, and the rest of the county. If you live in Salt Lake City you don't want to piss off the only domme there.

[Anitafan]

Actually, I have often experienced a slightly different problem.

I have certain preferences, and some limits. My plea to a domme is to just do what she wants, hopefully within my preferences, and respecting my limits.

What I hate is being told what the domme has in mind, or being given control over the session in that i can state what I would like next.

A number of pro-dommes seem to not want to bother to put in the thinking time, and want somebody else (the "sub") to drive the session

thankfully, I do see a domme who does run a session, and never tells me what is going to happen next.

[CP Bliss]

For what it's worth I think when parties to an arrangement are new, it is more likely to be a miscommunication ( which also includes a sub not having read a website properly ).

Regular subs can become overbearing but as Lady Anna said, it can be easily rectified. Sometimes folk just need reminders of where the line is. In respect of new subs and especially if there was no ill-intent, the issue should be put right without difficulty. In sessions, parameters are usually agreed before the start of a session and this I would have thought usually prevents problems arising. I think "the problem" is more likely to occur with subs who are new to the scene who may be unaware of the protocols. Experienced subs ought to know better. It is after all the essence of the role.

[Fidel]

I think everyone is different, some have scripts which some Mistresses are happy to go along with and yes there are 'contol freak' subs but firstly I would question whether they are genuinly submissive in the first place and secondly are we all not a little bit like that? We get what we want in a session and get that by communicating upon the first meeting what we want so who is in charge?

But we have to! I had this conversation a long time ago with my Mistress, yes I like her to do exactly as she pleases, she decides session content BUT she know areas of my interest and is able to keep a 'core' of what I am into and also branch off with tangents of that 'core'

I am not into crossdressing but If my Mistress decided to do that to me every session(remeber she would be doing exactly as she pleases!) I would just get bored with the sessions and her too so there has to be some degree of us getting are interests and needs met.

[Anitafan]

QUOTE=Fidel;25373]I think everyone is different, some have scripts which some Mistresses are happy to go along with and yes there are 'contol freak' subs but firstly I would question whether they are genuinly submissive in the first place and secondly are we all not a little bit like that? We get what we want in a session and get that by communicating upon the first meeting what we want so who is in charge?

But we have to! I had this conversation a long time ago with my Mistress, yes I like her to do exactly as she pleases, she decides session content BUT she know areas of my interest and is able to keep a 'core' of what I am into and also branch off with tangents of that 'core'

I am not into crossdressing but If my Mistress decided to do that to me every session(remeber she would be doing exactly as she pleases!) I would just get bored with the sessions and her too so there has to be some degree of us getting are interests and needs met.[/quote]