Ask a Mistress a (bdsm based) question.

[D_List]

Originally Posted by Lisal

D List in "PDing is just like any other job" shock comment

Only joking only joking



I think the level of interaction on a personal basis does make it a bit different to many (not all) jobs. The dommes on here (and others I know) have said they can only do so many sessions a week which does indicate that there is something a bit more intense about it

Hi Lisal, yes of course there are differences to many jobs in one way and another.

I know some Mistresses only do a few sessions a week (my Mistress being one) but take into account emails, admin, website admin, telephone calls, texts, cleaning, purchasing and you soon have 40 plus hours per week.

Sessioning is only a part of the job.

[Mistress Adore]

Originally Posted by jon123

1. What are your thoughts on online domination?

2. Have you ever sessioned outside the North East? Would you ever consider it?

3. Why do I go weak at the knees when I read your website, especially the darkest one? (OK, I'm not really expecting a serious reply to this one). Perhaps I should ask instead, what are your hopes for this part of your website?

Hi Jon, thank you for your very kind comments

1. I do some online domination but it is usually with guys i do see, even if not as often as they would like.
Just online doesn't work to well for me as i like to get to know my guys, look into their eyes and see their reactions to my words. There is also the added part that if a task isn't done to my expectations there is no real effective punishment that would work online for me.

2. Yes i have held sessions in London and Birmingham when i have been there and intend to hold some in Brighton if all goes to plan in late July, early August.

3. The reason you go weak at the knees, is very simple, you are one of the few that get me, im sure if you have read my site you will remember the part where i say this site will not suit everyone, but a few, a small few will get it, and a journey may begin. That is the reaction i wanted those who suit me to have, when they read my words.
Maybe the darker side attracts you more because you like the idea of it, maybe because it is a different side to me, more aloof, less caring, much more extreme.
The reason i made that site was because i spend a lot of time on and with my guys, either online, via phone,text or inside or outside of session.
The darker side attracts guys who do not want that level of interaction, they know what they want, are experienced enough to know the risks involved and want someone who will play to that level in as safe way possible. I am the only one in the North East that plays to this level, so added it and had a new site made dedicated to it, to show not all my play is as fluffy as i may seem .

Hope this explains what you were asking

[jon123]

Originally Posted by Mistress Adore

1. I do some online domination but it is usually with guys i do see, even if not as often as they would like.
Just online doesn't work to well for me as i like to get to know my guys, look into their eyes and see their reactions to my words. There is also the added part that if a task isn't done to my expectations there is no real effective punishment that would work online for me.

Yes, I saw you were offering this. My initial reaction was that it would never work, but then I thought my judgement was far too hasty. As you say, it would need to be interleaved with real sessions, and I suppose there would have to be quite a good level of understanding first. I was set little tasks sometimes, and this could have been wrapped up into something grander. But I don't think torturing myself for non-completion of a task would really work for either domme or sub ("look, here's a picture of me with a needle stuck where you told me"). But maybe there are ways of making it work for some, and I don't think anyone has discussed it here - which is why I asked.

Maybe someone else has experience?

[Mistress Adore]

Originally Posted by jon123

Yes, I saw you were offering this. My initial reaction was that it would never work, but then I thought my judgement was far too hasty. As you say, it would need to be interleaved with real sessions, and I suppose there would have to be quite a good level of understanding first. I was set little tasks sometimes, and this could have been wrapped up into something grander. But I don't think torturing myself for non-completion of a task would really work for either domme or sub ("look, here's a picture of me with a needle stuck where you told me"). But maybe there are ways of making it work for some, and I don't think anyone has discussed it here - which is why I asked.

Maybe someone else has experience?

I do some online, but the tasks are set to things between myself and the person in question, i may have one send me a flower every day via email, seems simple enough but when he has to go looking for different flowers over a set amount of time is can get tricky :-)

Other tasks can come out of general chatting, you would be amazed just how much you lot give us without knowing

[Lady Annisa]

Originally Posted by Lisal

And a question from myself

Do you get days when you just don't feel like it? I think most of us do get those - well, I did when I was working anyway

How hard is it to motivate yourself to session in those circumstances?

Good question. I think becasue most of us are fairly selective then we have a great degree of certainty that the sessions will go well, this takes away a lot of the 'don't feel like it' feelings. I think they can come from uncertainty and not knowing how things are going to go. I know for a fact if I'm feeling under par, if it's a well known regular I'm sessioning with this is enough to get me motivated as I have that certainty that what we do will be great. I'm a bit of a reaction junky so knowing in advance that I'm going to get some good reactions from my well known regular is my carrot, I don't need a stick to get me going.

I've found through experience that coming back from a holiday, especially if it's been for more than a week (try coming back from a month's holiday!) that it can take me a few days to get back into my swing if I don't plan it. So now I plan that my first few sessions are long ones with long standing regular gents who I know I will just feed off their reactions and get fired up from the interaction. This helps no end when getting back in the mood.

[jon123]

Originally Posted by Lady Anna

Most of my clients have similar goals but the method of getting them there are very individual and even differ on a day to day basis. My type of session and what can be achieved depend entirely upon the client's state of mind on the day. If a client arrives a bit flustered, or anxious or nervous then we may not achieve the goal at all. Others relax very quickly and surprise me by acheiving the goal so easily. The pre session chat is vital as it helps me to ascertain how well the next two or three hours will go, and gives the client chance to calm down or offload some worries before we get started.

I never plan. I may have an idea and prepare what may be needed but what I actually do is often different because I have to read the client and assess what he can take, or can't quite take that day. I may get a new idea during one activity that needs developing, or something just isn't working so I stop early and switch to something else seamlessly so that the client doesn't feel let down. Despite me being in charge the sessions are client-led. He just doesn't know it.

The same regular, even after seeing me for years and years will have a different reaction every session, usually depending on his state of mind that day. The goal is sometimes easy, sometimes difficult, and the journey getting there can be just as diverse. No two sessions are the same. Ever. I'm always surprised or intrigued by reactions and results. The human body is a law unto itself.

The philosophy is the same. Let's take our time and see what happens. Every moment is training and experience for all of us: me, you and your subconscious. If something doesn't quite work we'll review it, discuss it and then amend the process next time and see what happens then. If it does work then good, lets remember it but let's also try and tweak it and see what happens then too.

I read this quickly when it was posted, and now I've re-read it slowly. It's very rich in ideas, and I was struck by the argument that, since a sub will vary his response each session, a domme can't, or shouldn't, prepare either.

Of course like all good arguments it can be take too far, but it makes sense to me.

"Despite me being in charge the sessions are client-led. He just doesn't know it."

That's worth a few comments, I think.

I find myself contradicting myself recently. That's because neither we nor our opinions are fixed, we should always be changing and challenging ourselves; "for always roaming with a hungry heart" (Tennyson, 'Ulysses')

[jon123]

Under what circumstances, if any, should a sub request a particular activity?

[Lady Anna]

Originally Posted by jon123

Under what circumstances, if any, should a sub request a particular activity?

At the time of booking preferably, but not if the mistress is the type who likes to do her own thing.

Depending on the relationship between mistress and client, it could be during pre session chat, but this can be dicey.

Never ever ever during!

[Mistress Susannah]

Originally Posted by Lady Anna

Depending on the relationship between mistress and client, it could be during pre session chat, but this can be dicey.

Never ever ever during!

For me personally, never ever during and never ever in a pre session chat.... by the time I've got to that point I'm psyched for the session and even if I haven't planned everything, it completely messes with my headspace.

I don't think I'm ever in a play relationship where people ask for certain activities... that's just not the dynamics I choose. Before a session or inbetween sessions I will ask people what they've been thinking about or fantasising about - it's a two way thing and I'd be lying if I didn't say that gives me ideas.

But a request for an activity? It's not ever going to happen - at least, not in such a crude way.

[MistressRouge]

I totally have some day's, that I don't feel like it.. I am human after all..

However, My morning breakfast ritual at My favourite cafe en route, the car journey, the preparation alters My state of mind and mood.

This is a rare case I may add, however it is true to My feelings.

Some individuals I am leaping to get My hands on, some individuals I am less so.. It's just life I guess.

Originally Posted by Lisal

And a question from myself

Do you get days when you just don't feel like it? I think most of us do get those - well, I did when I was working anyway

How hard is it to motivate yourself to session in those circumstances?