How to communicate with other users of UK Mistresses

You can communicate with other UKM users via our message boards, classified ads, or our own IRC chatroom. Independently of UKM, you might also use ICQ, or AOL's instant messenger, or Usenet.

The UKM message board

The preferred way to communicate is through the message board. There are sections for finding information, places to ask questions, and a forum for banter and jokes. You can also post reviews of sessions with pro-dommes on the message-board.

You can read the message board anonymously, but to post on it you must register a username. You don't have to reveal your real indentity or your email address to the other members.

IRC chat-room

Internet Relay Chat is one of the best places on the web to find BDSM resources. You can get into the chat room directly from this web-site or you can download mIRC, which is software that lets you into the chat room from outside this site. You should be aware that there can be some security implications surrounding IRC, but if you configure mIRC properly, you will be fine. mIRC is shareware, and you will need to make a small payment to the author after a 30 day trial period.

There are literally hundreds of BDSM related sites on IRC, from interactive play sites to contact and personals sites. Some of the best are to be found on DalNet. In 'Status', type in /server, then get a channels list, which will bring you into the specialised BDSM area of IRC. Alternatively, just log on to any DalNet or EfNet server, and ask for a full channels list to see what is else is available elsewhere. You will soon find hundreds of BDSM related sites. Among the best channels we have found so far are our own chatroom, #UK-Mistresses, #informedconsent and #intelligentsubs. However, there are hundreds more. If this all sounds confusing at the first reading, don't panic. Full instructions on how to access servers and chat rooms come with the software.

Instant messaging

Another possible alternative to meet and contact people with an interest in BDSM is by using an interactive messaging program like ICQ or AOL's Instant Messenger. You can search ICQ by areas of interest, and you will be surprised by the number of people worldwide who are interested in BDSM. ICQ has the additional bonus that many UK Mistresses use it.


The problem with Usenet newsgroups is not so much their content or their flooding and spam postings, but the fact that many ISP's censor you by limiting your access to them. For example, there are now over 80,000 registered newsgroups, but our ISP for example, only gives us access to about 25,500 of them. They censor us and prevent us from seeing many adult related groups.

This means that you need another program to access all of them. The problem with this is that most uncensored access facilities make you pay a fee for their service. However, having said that, there seems little point to us in paying to access adult porn sites when just about every picture you have ever seen on a pay site appears somewhere on a newsgroup which you can access for significantly less money per month.

Have a look at what your own ISP lets you see, and then, if you don't mind paying the fee, try one of the many uncensored news providers which are around.

Many of the adult newsgroups appear under alt or soc headings, and there are literally hundreds which feature BDSM and fetishes. A list of some of them appears here, but bear in mind that they are dynamic, and some of them may disappear:

A cautionary word: make sure you read the newsgroup charter before posting, and be aware that all postings are archived for several years. It is possible that you may wish to consider anonymising your posts by using a proxy mailer or server.