Love Letter to UK-M

[Entropy Tango]

I probably wasn't ever going to get around to saying this... because I'm just not usually this brave. But circumstances as they are at present have lead me to believe that I should post this. If you bother to read this... please forgive me if it sounds a little soft or maybe trite but... I am what I am, to quote a famous sailor ;-)

Now I'm a relative newcomer in these parts so I realise my words don't really carry much weight. And it's not for no good reason that I am choosing to eviscerate myself in public like this. I just wanted to use this post to tell anybody reading what UK-M has been to me in the short time since I discovered it.

A little background history. I got into seeing someone on this board professionally for very personally negative (and some might be so unkind as to say "deranged" and "unhinged") reasons. I had a lot to lose but I researched the lists on one of the other web sites, shortlisted down to only two people (okay, so I'm fussy) and took a gamble and wrote to someone. As it happens I owe that lady a lot... she quickly turned my negative into a positive and I feel I owe her a debt of gratitude (but the details of that story are not one I really feel appropriate to commit to a public arena).

Now... sometime in between making initial contact with this person and going for my first session with her, I discovered UK-M through going through the links on her website. Some of the posts were scary to me (and might possibly have frightened me off going to a session at all if I hadn't already made contact)... other posts were really quite warm, intelligent posts by a bunch of people who obviously had their heads screwed on tight and their hearts in the right places.

More personal history before I get to the heart of the matter. I have always felt a bit of an outcast. Never in all my life been happy to be a "part" of a collective whole. Never really been accepted for who I am. This is not "I would not want to belong to any club that would have me as a member" this is genuinely being uncomfortable with who I am (not just the BDSM stuff) and never once feeling confident of joining in with anything (I was the kid in class who NEVER put his hand up). I've belonged to one other message board for about twelve years (Film Score Monthly - there I think I just "came out" about being a soundtrack fetishist) and I think I've posted maybe 6 times in those twelve years.

UK-M is different. I tried a new site maybe six months ago and tried really hard to support it... for about a week. I wasn't happy about where that new site had gone to in such a short time, felt very down about joining up and left them to it. Rarely go back to check and see what they're up to.

Again. UK-M is different. I've only been posting here a short while (but obviously lurking and reading for longer) but I have, for the very first time in my sad life, felt like I am somewhere that I can finally be accepted and have a voice (even if that voice is tempered perhaps by my own ignorance and lack of experience).
I would have loved to have gone, for example, to the charity thrash but my shyness and lack of confidence being around other people means I am probably forever doomed to not be a part of such events. But the point is... I felt like I wanted to be a part of it. That's a big thing for me. UK-M makes me feel like I might actually be able to be a part of a community spirit (and for a loner like me that's really not half bad).

And so I just wanted to say to both the owners of this board and, of course, the moderators... "Thank you for providing me... and I'm sure many others... with a place where I'm not too scared to add my voice every once in a while. This place genuinely feels like a second home to me in some ways and it is a testament to the hard work of the owners and mods that someone as whacked and out on a limb as myself can feel truly welcome. What a wonderful environment you have created for people."

I truly hope that somehow both Lady Sam and Cerberus somehow manage to see this post and realise how much they mean to this person and I'm sure to many people.

Now... I'm sure that most if not all of you are canny enough to know why I've decided to publicly lay my emotions on the line like this at this particular time... and if you don't know why then I am not going to explain it. Please take this post for what it is... a heartfelt expression of admiration of all the people - posters and lurkers alike - who make up this wonderful community. I hope not too many of you think I'm "soft" or, worse, a "total arseh*le" for posting this here (since I'm easily hurt by negative feedback and don't want to get wounded by posting like this). I also hope none of you think I'm being too arrogant posting this here... anyone who knows me well would say that, although I AM quite deliberately arrogant about certain areas of my life ;-) I rarely if ever feel in any way comfortable about opening up and expressing genuine emotion... which also says a lot about how I feel about UK-M (being fairly anonymous also helps too, obviously).

I'm also VERY SURE that a lot of you have good experiences of what UK-M means to you personally. I'm sure friendships and professional relationships must have blossomed here big time.

Thanks for making it to the end of this long, rambly post.

All the best (or at least six of the best),

Entropy Tango

[uc-ColiN]

Entropy Tango,

Good post. I understand why you posted. As a person, as others will tell you, i post some really daft questions and openly ask questions about anything i want to know, so your in good hands here. If they can help me, they can help anyone!

As for the reason you posted.

We are all still here, of course we are, we just have another URL to look at, no one has left or given up and i doubt anyone will. Keep posting, keep asking and above all else, learn.

Learn about you, your wants, your fears and explore yourself with the help of everyone willing to help.

Keep being you Entropy Tango.

ColiNfr.

[stevebailey]

There can be nothing wrong in my book in sharing your thoughts about UKM. It has been a place where people can share their thoughts and their questions freely - and although there are occasionally flare ups and arguments, it is all mostly done with good heart, mutual respect and a generosity of spirit.

That is all great and the more people who can join in and make forums come alive the better. I am looking forward to UKM continuing - as I am looking forward to other forums developing - in the end, though, it is the people who post on the forums that make them good, bad, or indifferent - not the forum itself.

I am really pleased that you have found somewhere where you are comfortable being you and sharing your thoughts with others. What you have said in your post is clearly important to you and should be respected as such.

As I am sure it will be...

Steve

[Purple Phoenix]

What a lovely personal post, Entropy Tango. I can relate very well with your sentiments and can assure you that no-one will think you are ‘soft’ for expressing yourself as you have.

I hope you continue to feel ‘at home’ here and that you will one day find the confidence to meet up with some of us. Believe me, if I had known that you needed encouraging to come to the Charity Event I’d have been right in there doing the encouraging!

[Lisal]

As I am sure it will be...

Steve

It certainly is by me

Thanks ET (!!!) :) :)

[mikeyports]

Nice post Entropy Tango I can relate to a lot that you have said:old_thumbs-up:

[subtle]

I would second much of what you've said, Entropy Tango. Not just about finding UKM a welcoming & supportive place, but your feelings of being a bit of an outcast. You're not alone (though it feels that way) - and veering off topic slightly, I've felt once or twice recently that sessioning can also have a particularly strong impact, and be particularly attractive, to those of us who do often feel separate & apart - the sheer force of the sensations & emotions involved smashes through those ancient barriers - lets us feel connected, touched, more completely alive... :)

[maidsallyanne]

What a great post Tango, especially in view of the discussions about another board.

Like you i was a lurker for a long time before joining, then after a while couldn't post on the old board because of log in problems.

I've really enjoyed UKM for many years so agree with your sentiments even though i didn't meet my Mistress through UKM.

UKM provides interesting reading and pleasant chat, though I can undertand the comments from the founders of PDUK about not having up to date listings.

One thing I find nice about UKM and other boards is that through the internet it increases awareness of BDSM and brings our little community together. I remember pre internet days when BDSM was such a taboo and underground topic and it's nice to know you're not alone and can communicate with like minded people.

[Lady Samantha]

*smiles* Thank you for posting.....we read it :old_thumbs-up:

Many people have called this place home....some for only short while, others (me included!) are still here....welcome...it's nice coming home isn't it?

[forest]

It was a pleasure to read your post, Entropy Tango. I'm glad that you're enjoying being an active member. I for one have appreciated many of your contributions to discussions, so I am hoping that you will stick around and continue to participate.

I empathise with your feelings, and believe that UKM has helped many of us to stop feeling ashamed and/or guilty about our kinky sexualities.

Quite a few have found ourselves too nervous to attend our first 'munch', but eventually summoned up the courage to attend and, having discovered how friendly people were, returned to enjoy the camaraderie and share experience.

Whether or not you choose to take a similar path, I hope you continue to find fulfilment here.

[scapey]

UKM was my introduction to a world that for years I had only imagined existed.
Even now I find it a 'safe haven' to return to on a near daily routine.
Many have left (or in some cases been driven away) but for many its still home and while it continues to exist will remain so.

[Mistress Alana]

Your post sums up what a lot of us feel. UKM has been part of my life for quite a number of years and I too have affection for it and have met many good friends through it. I am sure that whatever happens in the future, the friendships I have made through UKM will survive.

[numquata]

Your post sums up what a lot of us feel. UKM has been part of my life for quite a number of years and I too have affection for it and have met many good friends through it. I am sure that whatever happens in the future, the friendships I have made through UKM will survive.
Exactly so.

I did a post along Entropy's lines on the old board a few years ago - too much effort finding it again and anyway it was much less eloquently expressed even though it had the same sentiments.

[Entropy Tango]

Thanks for all the positive replies to this thread. It's very kind of you all.

I'm glad the owners saw this and are hopefully reminded once again how much the environment they've created means to all the people here.

[reefknot]

Entropy Tango thank you :old_thumbs-up:

[briunz]

ET - that was one of the best 'I like it here' posts this board has ever received. I've done something, way in the past, in a similar vein but it lacked your elloquence. However the main thrust was the same - without UK-M many of us would be the poorer and 'lost' without the friends and fellowship we find here.

[paulo]

Totally agree,.:) a very good post